Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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