McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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