In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
