You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
