id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
