I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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