How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
