Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
