So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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