the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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