Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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