matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
