is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
