I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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