Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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