I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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