In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sext me about skeletons
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
