i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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