I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Its about making memories worth repressing
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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