i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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