if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
