No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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