forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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