What did we do last night that was yellow?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
