She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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