God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
