They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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