im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
