theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
