I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
