you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
now i know why i became what i already was.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
