Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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