does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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