Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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