he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
