I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
