Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
