Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
