Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
