I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I would fuck him just for his dog
I want a musical about memes.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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