I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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