I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
