i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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