Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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