hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
so much tequila, so little girl.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
