I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
