last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
