my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
