We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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