I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
