People in love make me want to vomit
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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