I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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