dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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