I think I am morally bankrupt
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
