maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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