Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize