just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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