I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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