I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
