youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
