The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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